Monday, February 28, 2011
Anyone wants to teach me how to play guitar? Like for real.
Day Five
Today's challenge is really very challenging. I shall do it now although I'm not planning to sleep yet! Finished SS, cut down the number of words after all. There's still more work to do but I shall take a break! :) Oh I'll continue with my post first before doing my challenge.
Cheryl just asked me very randomly if I read Our Daily Bread. Sadly, I don't ): But she just introduced it to me! :) I'm touched by how my siblings in Christ care for me ♥
Thanks Cheryl :) Yup it's true. Apart from Christ who strengthens me, I'm also really grateful for all the people around me who've tried to make me stronger/a better person through their words and actions. You've left an impact on me, and whether I manage to be strong enough to do what you adviced, your efforts still mean a lot to me. :)
So.. Today, I'm happy and satisfied. :) 2 words! hehe. Other than the short pissing episode. I realise I've been much happier nowadays yayyyy.
Oh and speaking of Be Yourself Day, (forgot to cover this in the previous post, was too pissed then.) It's not supposed to just be today. Be yourself everyday. If the people around you require you to change to fit in with them, then leave the crowd. It's not that you're not good enough for them, they're just not worthy for you. So don't change yourself according to what others want, be the best person you can and want to be, and you'll find the ones who truly love you for who you are. Find your own personality, girl :)
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K the challenge.
1. I wish I didn't say the things that I did out of anger or jealousy. But sometimes it rings truth. Guess I'd just have to calm down and rationalise first, in future.
2. Okay I'm struggling here. I can't even come up with 2 and I'm supposed to come up with 6?! Uh. I wish I had never lied to my parents. Perhaps we could've been closer now.
3. I wish I had never been mean to a certain someone. I know it still affects that person, and it kinda hurts me just to think about it because it reminds me of all the horrible things I've done. I know it's too late to say sorry since it won't reverse my actions, but I really just want us both to forget ):
4. Wish I hadn't believed everything you said. It pleased me momentarily, but when I found out the truth everything came crashing down.
5. Wished I hadn't made choices in moments of folly/indecisiveness.
6. Wish I didn't give up on us.
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Oh and, polaroids from BYD.
Left polaroid: Jas, Minchih, Me.Why wait
Okay, I know I'm being angry over the most trivial thing ever. But I find it completely reasonable. I can't emphasize the fact that I hate being lied to any much more. How do you like it when people you obviously trust a lot lie to you? It's like drilling a hole through your heart.
You forgot to even exit properly. I even knew exactly which point you stopped at. You know, what hurt most isn't the fact that I told you not to do it, but you still did. What hurt more is that I saw you doing it, and yet when I confronted you, you denied it. It's like after you drilled a hole, you poured salt and boiling oil all over the wound. I don't know why I'm so agitated but it seriously annoys and hurts me to like mad. I've got nothing to hide so if you wanted to see, then ask. Is it that hard for you guys to tell me the truth? Even if you had to lie, don't. ever. let. me. find. out. But you left it hanging there for me to SEE. Oh gosh.
I love you, so don't ever do it again please. You know who you are. No truth is too hard to handle, it just takes time to get process and be accepted. Lying will only complicate matters more.
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C'div's semi finals today! Proud of them they won St Margs and they're now in to finals! :) That means if we win the semis tomorrow, our double champs goal is nearer within reach again! Poor Roy and Rachel got injured. Hope they recover soon!! They fought so hard, so proud of them (:
Alright Imma go do my work and all. Will be back for 10 day challenge.
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I can put back the pieces,
they just might not fit the same
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Argh will it kill you to stop being so cute >:(
Day Four
1. Is there any homework due tomorrow? HAHAHA. I'm a nerd 8)
2. Why do certain people act certain ways. Could be bad, could be good. I don't know.
3. My future. Yea if you read my previous posts you'll know that I'm worried about m
y future. I've got my goals laid out, but I don't know if I'll even be close to achieving them. Lets just work hard for now yes :)
4. Why is there only 24 hours a day ): I need more timeeeee
5. How/what my friends/family are doing. Hehehe. I'm bored all the time. K see this is really ironic cos I actually have a lot of work to do but I always feel bored.
6. You. I know, its been 3 years. I still don't know why you chose to leave. It's not just that I can't get over it, I just don't understand the rationale behind your choice. Then again, I guess you don't need a reason. It would've been very much appreciated if you had bothered explaining to me though. It still hurts you know.
7. Foooooooood. Ooooooooo.
YUPZ okay I shall go back to my work :)
Btw, polaroid from yesterday. V blur though. First row from left: Zara's power ranger balloon. Lolol.
Second row from left Funny girl who got hit by a golfball and therefore in her crutch (JENhahhaa), Elisa, Zara, Nic, Me, Alethea.
Second row from left Funny girl who got hit by a golfball and therefore in her crutch (JENhahhaa), Elisa, Zara, Nic, Me, Alethea.
you kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
Omg you guys gotta watch this. I love Joseph Vincent he's soo cute!!!
You're the one, my everything
If you stay you'll make me sing
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Today: PROUD ME :) (2 words! hehehe)
I woke up at 9, skipped kidzread. I feel so bad, I keep telling myself that I'll make a commitment to this programme but I'm never turning up for it. )': I'm either too busy or lazy to go! D: Kay I must must must go at least once a month!
Finished up my SS today, finally. It's hard. I have 632 words, not gonna bother cutting it down unless I find time :/ Did a lot of other work today too! Feel so happeh :)) Btw I'm still at the library now taking a break from bio hahah it's embarrassing cos I'm revising/making notes for reproduction and people keep walking past and I'm like ....awkward.... But iz okayyy God created us and our uhm. Pleasant reproductive systems. Gotta embrace them.............. hahahhahaha wtp bio is lame.
I realise my dad has been giving in a lot to us lately. I can feel that he's making the effort to be even nicer than he was before, and I really appreciate him for that. But sometimes it makes me wonder if he's really happy or whatever. I mean my dad's the super nonchalant kind of person, he doesn't seem to be worrying about anything, but come on how can there be anyone on this earth without worries! Oh well. Gotta bond with my dad more :)
Nothing interesting happened today actually.
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If you can't be the best, don't be the worst. You're way better than that. Sometimes, we just have to pick ourselves up from where we fell and start all over again right there. I know, it's harder than anything -- having your destination in sight, but you're so close yet so far. Knowing that you're finally that close to achieving what you wanted so badly, but only to fall and drop further down. But you'll only strengthen through these experiences, so keep going on and don't give up ♥
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Oh, you'll find God's grace in every mistake
and always give more than you take
Love gives, hope sustains, faith takes;
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When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father you are king over the floods
I will be still and know you are God
(Still by Hillsong)
I cried while listening to this song it's so so so beautiful.
Call me emotional whatever but it's like when I'm listening to this I feel so.. loved.
Like all my problems don't matter anymore I'm loved by God that's all that matter.
With this renewed strength I believe I can tide over anything with my faith in Him (:
I realised how much of a disarray I am in.
I try so hard to make everything right, I was too focused on what I want, I miss out on the beauty of what the Lord has blessed me with, I missed out on His love and grace.
I fall at the slightest challenge and I had put my faith second in my priorities.
Today, I took a step back and saw what was planned for me. I saw how all the obstacles that were put in front of me were in fact stepping stones.
There were put there for me to overcome and take away valuable lessons from, not to make me fall and stumble.
I saw the big picture and the amazing road He put out for me.
Thank you Lord (:
This is my phone's wallpaper, nice right. Sometimes I just take out my phone and stare at the word on the screen. Faith. It's just a 5-lettered word but it pretty much represents my values and my beliefs. Without faith, there'll be no friendships. Without faith, there'll be no courage, adventures, uniqueness, etcetc. Without faith, there'd be no me.
Call me emotional whatever but it's like when I'm listening to this I feel so.. loved.
Like all my problems don't matter anymore I'm loved by God that's all that matter.
With this renewed strength I believe I can tide over anything with my faith in Him (:
I realised how much of a disarray I am in.
I try so hard to make everything right, I was too focused on what I want, I miss out on the beauty of what the Lord has blessed me with, I missed out on His love and grace.
I fall at the slightest challenge and I had put my faith second in my priorities.
Today, I took a step back and saw what was planned for me. I saw how all the obstacles that were put in front of me were in fact stepping stones.
There were put there for me to overcome and take away valuable lessons from, not to make me fall and stumble.
I saw the big picture and the amazing road He put out for me.
Thank you Lord (:
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Her post speaks my exact sentiments.
I fall easily, I'm not as strong willed as I thought I'd be. I give in to the slightest bit of temptations, I follow when the devil beckons. I'm a backslider, I don't even go to church often. (I'm probably also one of the most horrible Christians that you've seen.) But everytime after I pray, my heart and mind feel at peace. It's like the revelation that God will always be overlooking me, He'll always give me the love and protection that I need.
This is my phone's wallpaper, nice right. Sometimes I just take out my phone and stare at the word on the screen. Faith. It's just a 5-lettered word but it pretty much represents my values and my beliefs. Without faith, there'll be no friendships. Without faith, there'll be no courage, adventures, uniqueness, etcetc. Without faith, there'd be no me. I told Bekah about how people question my beliefs, accusing me of only converting because I wanted to fit in. She said, "Heck what those people say la, people have said worse to insult me before. Just keep believing and God will show you the way." Something like that! And I was thinking, yea, screw those people who don't understand what's going on. God's not someone (okay God's not a person but idk what word to use) that I'm only falling back on when I need. God is someone I've chosen to put every and all of my faith in. So yup, here's to you: I don't care about what you said anymore :) I do what I want, and my God will show me the way.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Oh btw, screw this. I'm not gonna let myself worry over you anymore, you don't even want to care about yourself anyway. It's your body, do whatever you want with it. What right do I even have to be telling you what to do. Who am I kidding lol lame. Maybe one day you'll see the logic behind it yourself.
Day Three
8 ways to win my heart.
I personally think today's theme is lame! I don't really think about it either. I shall try. And I'll go sleep after this. Shall wake up early to finish up SS AA then go for math tuition with Alethea and Nicole, and finish up other work afterwards! :) OMG IT'S 11:11 NOW AHHAHA Dear Lord I wish (pray that) every day will be as good as today, Amen.
KK so on with it.
1. Be nice. Okay, nice is a very generic term... I guess 'nice' would wrap up all other things like being caring, thoughtful, considerate, mature and all? I think it's very important to be mature. Really. And be serious and sensitive at the right time.
2. Funny! I like people who can make me laugh. Also easier to hold a conversation with. And fun=laughter=happy=:) wholesome life
Crap I really can't think of any actually.
3. Be relatively smart I guess. I mean yea, that makes communication easier. Well spoken maybe?
4. Someone I could go on adventures withhh :) Eggcitingg
5. Cute. Lol. Ahhhhh.
6. Love my family, friends and my God.
7. Er. Nice overall appearance. :/ oi I'm not shallow. Kay it does sound shallow. But okay......... i don't know O:
8. Appreciates me for who I am!
Oh but winning my heart as a friend is way way way way way easier. So long you don't mind me, we're friends. :) hehehe.
Okay Imma go sleep. Shall wake up at 8 tomorrowwww night world :)
I personally think today's theme is lame! I don't really think about it either. I shall try. And I'll go sleep after this. Shall wake up early to finish up SS AA then go for math tuition with Alethea and Nicole, and finish up other work afterwards! :) OMG IT'S 11:11 NOW AHHAHA Dear Lord I wish (pray that) every day will be as good as today, Amen.
KK so on with it.
1. Be nice. Okay, nice is a very generic term... I guess 'nice' would wrap up all other things like being caring, thoughtful, considerate, mature and all? I think it's very important to be mature. Really. And be serious and sensitive at the right time.
2. Funny! I like people who can make me laugh. Also easier to hold a conversation with. And fun=laughter=happy=:) wholesome life
Crap I really can't think of any actually.
3. Be relatively smart I guess. I mean yea, that makes communication easier. Well spoken maybe?
4. Someone I could go on adventures withhh :) Eggcitingg
5. Cute. Lol. Ahhhhh.
6. Love my family, friends and my God.
7. Er. Nice overall appearance. :/ oi I'm not shallow. Kay it does sound shallow. But okay......... i don't know O:
8. Appreciates me for who I am!
Oh but winning my heart as a friend is way way way way way easier. So long you don't mind me, we're friends. :) hehehe.
Okay Imma go sleep. Shall wake up at 8 tomorrowwww night world :)
Hold on tight
Today's words are! : Grateful and drunk :)
Hahha I'm drunk on loveeee :) Had an awesome day today. Woke up at 8.30, rushed to RJ for training but in the end we didn't even do much except pick balls hehehe. Team's gearing up and training hard for semi finals against Cedar! :) If you can go to support (Tuesday @ 2, St Marg's Sec), go alright! :) Email Mrs J. Idk her email address though :/ Hahha anywayz we sat around and played Mono Deal while the shooters shot. I super suck at it la ): Oh wellz. Hahah then Joy was playing and she overshot the ball so it flew down and almost hit the Ri tennis coach's car. Actually it was far from hitting the car la but he was being an ass >:( Scolded us so we couldn't playy.
Lunch at J8 with netballers+Jinghan!!! Yayy felt like last year again :) Haha I think all the seniors are sick of me whining about not wanting to go to JC :/ But oh well it REALLY IS scary.... She said something about a jock table where you need to be 'accepted' to be able to sit there. Lame. If that happens in my batch I'll go beat up the people man. Training itself was quite lax though, I didn't even do much at all. :/ Gotta hit the gym soooon! Poor Roy lost her wallet. Hope she finds it soon! Oh and met Iman with Tessa. They keep talking about their... Friends. I have no idea who they're talking about, I can barely pronounce the names >:( well connected kids tsktsktsktsktsk.
Everytime I have training it only makes me love RN more :) Such such such such cute people omgz I'm grateful for having them in my life!
Showered and went for Zara's birthday dinner @ Oomphatico's. The food was uber good! (y) Zara walked into the restaurant blind folded and everyone else was like staring at her lololol and that girl had no clue what was going on we sat her at another table and she was like "So am I supposed to sit here alone?" hahahah silly girl. After eating we played some blindfold-and-eat-the-cake game. Can't really describe it but it was SUPER FUNNY. Jen's gonna put the videos up on FB heheh can't wait. When it was my turn they took my cake away and I spent like 5 minutes looking for a non existant cake >:(
Hehehe. Today's a good dayy ♥ Happy Sweet Sixteenth Zara! You're an awesome cute silly funny retarded lame smart childish but lovely friend :) Can't believe Zara's older than me. She acts nothing like a kid older than 5 years old! Hehe
Tomorrow will be a good day too! Got lotsa work to do though, must focus pocus.
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It's hard to believe that I couldn't see
that you were always right beside me
Friday, February 25, 2011
Day Two
9 Things about myself! Hmm this is hard hahaha okay I'll try my best.
1) I'm very, very, very paranoid and insecure. I constantly think that people hate me/are bitching about me all the time. Or that my friends are angry with me. Or I have some terminal illness (yeah there was this period of time in sec 2 I though I had diabetes and cancer because my hairfall was abnormal...... hahhahahah dumb)
2) I stalk pretty girls HAHAHHAHA okay this is really really really really embarrassing and lesbianic but wtp. People like beautiful things right? So natural instinct. I think I'm lesbian...................... NOT. hahaha
3) Oh no I can't think of anything. OH! I've never put on braces before, in case you're wondering! I'm proud of my awesome teeth (y)
4) I share a lot with people. As in not material but like a lot of personal thoughts, experiences and all that. Even if I don't know you well I tell you stuffs and I trust you to keep things between us. I think sharing of experiences/advices help me learn a lot.
5) I really want to make friends but I'm afraid to start conversations. Especially if those people give me the "I am not fit to be friends with you" feeling. Brings me back to my insecurities issue. Lolol
6) I'm secretly smart. K just kidding but I'm not stupid kay. People tell me I look like a paikia who doesn't study and only knows how to play. Guess what. NOT TRUE. I study a lot. Or TRY TO at least. I think I'm a nerd hahhaha I want to be one at least! I'M NOT A WILD CHILD omg lolz.
7) I like waking up and seeing messages in my inbox. Idk it just makes me feel happy haha weird right I know.
8) (edit) I get jealous easily and is very protective/possessive over some friends. Bad thing I know. But can't help it. Rawr
9) I'm also VERY. VERY. VERY. VERY. scared of ghosts. Or other-worldly beings. I know I'm not supposed to believe in this! Okay how about spirits. Yea I'm scared. I was walking in some underground tunnel to the MRT and I heard a baby crying but didn't see a baby in sight so I was thinking "wtf ghost" and I got so scared I started tearing. This is only one of the many many examples haha.
K done! Omg so hard to think of stuff. They're not even very interesting :/ Whatever 'interesting' isn't one of the requirements!!
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Truth is, I don't feel like I fit in at all.
I love you guys to bits, but something's just out of place.
Keep your guns close
I've got lots of stuff to say today!! A lot of things happened :)
SLI was today. Watching all the sec 3 psls getting invested reminded me of my term as a psls again. It's kinda ironic how I've attended every single SLI in my rgs life, EXCEPT the one
where I'm actually supposed to get invested. Sigh. What a lousy timing to fall sick last year )': Anyway many seniors came back! Talked to Steph, (yay finally classics picture :), but Nanthini wasn't here. I know Nanthini will never see this so YAY I'm really excited for her birthday dinner (which didn't happen the other time cos Steph and Nanthini were too busy. Sighhhh the life of jc kids) It'll be a blast yeah. Saw Yirong, Lynn and Dawn too! They all seem to enjoy JC :/ Maybe I shouldn't be dreading it so much. But idk it really just scares me, the thought of going to JC and an epicly changing environment with much more drama and all. But man really missed my seniors ): Oh saw Jodi at bishan library too, talked to her for quite a while! hehehhehe sighhhhh it still feels weird without batch'10 around )'; It's like once I entered RN, they've been the batch that's always beenwith us! And now they're suddenly gone O: Scary. But at least we'll meet next year haha.
Went for lunch after SLI with Zara and Elisa! :) I forgot the restaurant's name. Caramel and something :/ But it was really pretty and cozy, like the retro feeling :) Had chicken breast salad with japanese yuzu dressing. (y) Hehehe stole a lot of food from SLI :D Then we walked around. A LOT. Heheh to look at all the nice food :) Yumyum I'm still hungry...
Went to library to study. Got so tired while waiting for Nicole Chua that I fell asleep alone in the library. Omg that was embarrassing ttm like seriously I bet I just looked like some idiot dozing off and everyone who walked past were like ...what's wrong with that girl. Hhha kay whatever but in the end we didn't even study AT ALL cos we went for dinner @yoshi (I freaking love yoshinoya heheh) and started talking and planning exciting stuffs ^^ Oh well. Then we started stalking people............... K bad habit bad habit bad habit. Kills boredom though hehe. We were sitting outside coffee bean, ANOTHER bad choice cos so many people we knew walked past and it was like the epitome of awkwardness oh wellz.
Okay I've just got something to say. If you don't like me, bitch about me all you want. Call me fake, call me ugly, call me fat, call me a bitch, seriously, anything you want. But really, don't drag my relationship with God into this. It's very personal for me, and I know I can depend on God for everything, because he will love me no matter what. I didn't choose to believe in God for anyone else. It was a personal choice, and I'm proud to say that I am a child of God. I didn't choose this religion because of peer pressure or my desperate attempts to 'fit into the crowd'. I know you may not have meant it that way and I should already get over it but allow me to complain once more: don't question another person's faith because that's the most offensive thing ever. Please? ): Thanks. K I don't even know if you'll ever see this but if you do, hope you know who you are :/ I just wanna say that I really have nothing much against you, although I don't know why you're always saying such stuff but really, don't question my faith please ): And another thing. I hate it when people lie to me. If you ever have to, don't let me find out. It's heartbreaking sometimes, seriously.
Otherwise today's a really good day :) Bought take home yami yogurt for my family. I was so excited about eating it but my dad was like "yea you smell can already. Asthma still eat froyo." Then he purposely put the yogurt in front of my face when he knows it's my favourite rawrr >: Speaking of my dad, made pancakes with him in the middle of the night yesterday lolll. Bonding time! (y) I swear it's quite good lor.
K i shall do my 10-day challenge thing on a separate post
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Day One
Omg this is my freaking 3rd post of the day, I can't sleep!!! Can't focus on my work either. Wrote like half my SS AA essay but gave up because I exceeded word count before reaching my counter >:( AAs are dumb. Okay shall do this 10-day challenge thingy from tumblr!!! It'll take up 20 minutes of my time. Then I'll sleep at 1130. Okay game on
So here's the challenge:
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession
Today's the first day then!
I shall keep the people anonymous first. K i'll reveal the first two! Then reveal the rest one day maybe :)
Mum: Thanks for all your care and concern, and your reprimands that I may not always appreciate, but would eventually somehow slap me awake. ♥ Don't get to say this often but I love you mom.
Dad: Hi daddy thanks for always picking me up and tolerating me when I shout at you and throw tantrums I'm a spoilt kid I know but it's hard to change lolololololololol I'll try. Thanks for loving me for who i am ♥
Not like any of them would actually read this lolol
Person 3: I miss you so much )': Wish I could turn back time and go back to where we were, before everything started. That's quite impossible I know, sigh. Hope you're doing fine and I'm sorry ):
Person 4: Stop talking to me like now omg I have no idea wtp you're talking about like srsly plus I don't care either so byebye.
Person 5: Hi I wanna get to know you better but it's so awkward and weird so I guess not lolz.
Person 6: Whatever it is, fight on and fight hard, I'll be here for you :) Don't give up because it's raininggg, wait for the rainbow to come :D
Person 7: Screw what others are saying about you, if you've always been true to yourself and your friends, then you've got nothing to worry about! People are just jealous of who you are. No one can hate someone they don't even know rawr.
Person 8: Come. Back. Now ): P.l.e.a.s.e.
Person 9: How's life in camp hahaha you noob I miss you lets go out some day you owe me lunch. Btw you're one of my greatest inspirations although you're so gay ♥
Person 10: Heartbreaker tsktsktsk.
Okee challenge done! Indeed it took me 20 minutes lolol.
So here's the challenge:
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession
Today's the first day then!
I shall keep the people anonymous first. K i'll reveal the first two! Then reveal the rest one day maybe :)
Mum: Thanks for all your care and concern, and your reprimands that I may not always appreciate, but would eventually somehow slap me awake. ♥ Don't get to say this often but I love you mom.
Dad: Hi daddy thanks for always picking me up and tolerating me when I shout at you and throw tantrums I'm a spoilt kid I know but it's hard to change lolololololololol I'll try. Thanks for loving me for who i am ♥
Not like any of them would actually read this lolol
Person 3: I miss you so much )': Wish I could turn back time and go back to where we were, before everything started. That's quite impossible I know, sigh. Hope you're doing fine and I'm sorry ):
Person 4: Stop talking to me like now omg I have no idea wtp you're talking about like srsly plus I don't care either so byebye.
Person 5: Hi I wanna get to know you better but it's so awkward and weird so I guess not lolz.
Person 6: Whatever it is, fight on and fight hard, I'll be here for you :) Don't give up because it's raininggg, wait for the rainbow to come :D
Person 7: Screw what others are saying about you, if you've always been true to yourself and your friends, then you've got nothing to worry about! People are just jealous of who you are. No one can hate someone they don't even know rawr.
Person 8: Come. Back. Now ): P.l.e.a.s.e.
Person 9: How's life in camp hahaha you noob I miss you lets go out some day you owe me lunch. Btw you're one of my greatest inspirations although you're so gay ♥
Person 10: Heartbreaker tsktsktsk.
Okee challenge done! Indeed it took me 20 minutes lolol.
So, you gave me my answer even before I figured out how to ask.
In a way, I'm relieved since I no longer face the dilemma of whether to actually ask you or not. I no longer have to worry over how to talk/ask you about whatever I wanted to, because I already know what your response would be anyway. But it really hurts to know how stubborn you're becoming, and how my existence is your life is starting to matter lesser each day.
I hate having to watch you like this, yet knowing that I have no right to do anything since it's your life. It's even more annoying how you're still the same person when you're in front of me, but once you're in your virtual world you become another person altogether. Lol this is like a real life example of the theme for english last year. How ironic. I don't know what to make of this, perhaps I'll still talk to you about it eventually. I just don't have the courage to now, I guess.
Life is confusing )': Anyone wants to be my personal full time advisor?
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You know you're on the wrong track when popularity's the only motive behind your actions.
I can feel your heartbeat;
Okay, this is weird. I think sec 4 has been so far more enjoyable than sec 3 (if you ignore the fact that we had OBS and the fact that sec 3 = no graduation stress). Like other than the thought of graduating (i.e. moving on to jc like wtp scary shit), growing old, having to leave a legacy behind (or at least an impact. Like having people who actually remember you not because you look dumb in school or you're fat or ano or pretty or ugly or you're tall or you're short, but because you actually really DID something that struck a little something in them), I'm pretty much happier nowadays. Guess I just stopped caring so much for things that I shouldn't have allowed to bother me in the first place. I know, you think I'm just running away from the truth. But blocking it out is a good way to not let myself be affected, no? I mean in the end, who're the ones who're really gonna stick with you after 6 years have passed? Not that many.
I just really hope one day you'd at least let me know what you're really thinking about. You're so confusing.
I can't wait for season to reach its end, because that's when we know whether our goal of Double champs for both Zonals and Nationals can be achieved. (Btw, we're going to Nationals. It's such a relief, I was so worried that our batch would be the one to set history. In a bad way )': The whole game with IJ still feels surreal! But I'm glad it's over. So, so so so glad. It's not that bad to be cheering everyone on from the sidelines, cos watching them play with all their best only makes me want to train harder) But the end of season also means that our journey with Raffles Netball is almost reaching an end. The thought itself saddens me.
I can't imagine myself no longer being part of Raffles Netball, no longer going to sleep in the courts every morning, no longer training with my favourite group of people, no longer seeing them everyday, no longer.... so many things I can no longer do without them. I don't want to leaveeee )': Yeah sure, we'll promise ourselves to stay in contact, to come back and visit, to hang out every week, but will that really really happen? ): I'm pretty damn insecure about what's gonna happen
You think I'm crazy because it's too early to be talking about these stuff. BUT IT'S FREAKING WEEK 8 ALREADY. I thought it was only week 7 and when Jiamin told me I was literally ?!?!!!?!? Sec 4's gonna fly by before you can snap your fingers. K figuratively. But you know what I mean.
Saw some new sec 1s train today and watching them made me feel nostalgic. It seemed just awhile ago when I was them, scared of all my seniors and dying to prove myself to the world --that I'm not as loser as I seemed to be. Oh well, I was a stupid kid in sec 1, but it was good. When I look back on my past, I realised that I've learnt most from my sec 1 days. I met people at the end of the year who changed my life. People who made me realise that not everything's about appearance. What can be seen may fool the eye, but what's hidden could be the real beauty. And without those people, I don't even want to imagine what sort of annoying bitch I would be now. Thank God for bringing them into my life ♥
Okay I just wrote the above ^ half an hour ago. I've decided that I'll just treasure every minute I spend with RN and everything else will be fine (': It'll not be the end of us anytime soon, I will conquer my fears!! (:
-
Hold my hand if you're feeling scared,
we're flying up, up outta here
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Up up here we go
Am suddenly very excited for Far East Movement concert after their songs came on on iTunes. Not only because I'm gonna watch a freaking ASIAN BAND WHOOO (azn proud hell yea) but also because I'm going with my favouritest people!!! ♥ Missed Taylor Swift concert, FEM better be happening!!! March 17th I'm waitingg ~
You and I collide
Today's my brother's birthday, I couldn't get him a present in time and I have no excuse/explanation for that. )': I'm such a horrible sister omg lol but thank god he's too happy to notice. Shall get him soon. It's not that I forgot about his birthday!! I just got so busy these few days that I didn't keep track of the dates. Oh well :/ Okay I shall dedicate this post to him so maybe one day when he grows up and can finally read properly he'd see this (':
Hi Brian my dear lil brother!
Happy 8th Birthday!!
You've been pissing me off for half my life, but I've been bossing you around for your all your life so far, so I forgive you for all (k not all. MOST) the annoying moments because you're never gonna see the end of me :P I remember when you were first born, I creeped out cos I've never seen a newborn baby and I was wondering why your face was all reddish and your skin all wrinkly and everything. But then a few weeks later - here's when I'll finally admit (and probably for the last time) - I thought you were like the cutest baby ever :) Duh, cos you're my brother ^^ But really, when you were younger you were so adorable and smart and nice! Well you're still nice now, just very annoying at times. But I still love you because we are family ♥
I remember when you were 4 and I accidentally pushed you into the door, and your front tooth got knocked and turned black because of the blood clot. From then on every time you introduce yourself to others, you'll be like "Hi I'm Brian and my jie pushed me so my tooth became black." Yea that went on for 3 years until your stubborn tooth finally dropped out (: Mom got so pissed with me but those were good memories alright? (: And I'll always remember how you stole my trophies, claiming they were yours, and how you took my certs and scribbled all over them. Those were agonising moments, but on hindsight, unforgettable memories. I remember how I came home one day and found a barely legible note from you saying "Elain is my sister, she is my frend 100%". Yea, although you spelt my name and 'friend' (also happens to be the keywords in the note!!) wrong, I was so touched (': And I'll always remember how you took our polaroid and framed it up and put it in your own room. Though I'd really like it back in my room, it'll do :)
I'll remember the moments you told on me, the moments you kept my secrets for me, the moments we had our secret business deals ^^ Will remember every single moment you annoyed me to death but also every moment you made me go "Awww thank god for you (:"
Love you bro, grow up soon please xxx
-
Hahah I wonder how many years later will he be able to understand that. Oh well. Went to Toys R Us today to buy his birthday present with him. I felt like a kid running around playing with all the toys. Good times, good times (:
You've been pissing me off for half my life, but I've been bossing you around for your all your life so far, so I forgive you for all (k not all. MOST) the annoying moments because you're never gonna see the end of me :P I remember when you were first born, I creeped out cos I've never seen a newborn baby and I was wondering why your face was all reddish and your skin all wrinkly and everything. But then a few weeks later - here's when I'll finally admit (and probably for the last time) - I thought you were like the cutest baby ever :) Duh, cos you're my brother ^^ But really, when you were younger you were so adorable and smart and nice! Well you're still nice now, just very annoying at times. But I still love you because we are family ♥
I remember when you were 4 and I accidentally pushed you into the door, and your front tooth got knocked and turned black because of the blood clot. From then on every time you introduce yourself to others, you'll be like "Hi I'm Brian and my jie pushed me so my tooth became black." Yea that went on for 3 years until your stubborn tooth finally dropped out (: Mom got so pissed with me but those were good memories alright? (: And I'll always remember how you stole my trophies, claiming they were yours, and how you took my certs and scribbled all over them. Those were agonising moments, but on hindsight, unforgettable memories. I remember how I came home one day and found a barely legible note from you saying "Elain is my sister, she is my frend 100%". Yea, although you spelt my name and 'friend' (also happens to be the keywords in the note!!) wrong, I was so touched (': And I'll always remember how you took our polaroid and framed it up and put it in your own room. Though I'd really like it back in my room, it'll do :)
I'll remember the moments you told on me, the moments you kept my secrets for me, the moments we had our secret business deals ^^ Will remember every single moment you annoyed me to death but also every moment you made me go "Awww thank god for you (:"
Love you bro, grow up soon please xxx
-
Hahah I wonder how many years later will he be able to understand that. Oh well. Went to Toys R Us today to buy his birthday present with him. I felt like a kid running around playing with all the toys. Good times, good times (:
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
The giants are back
To see everyone fighting so hard on and off court; to hear all the supporters cheer for RN like they're part of our family, it was really all that I needed have my passion and love for Netball, especially Raffles Netball, reignited. I've never seen you guys play so well and fight so hard with so much confidence shining through you before(': I think when the final whistle blew I was really on the verge of tears, but surprisingly managed to hold them back. Should've cried right, let the tears of joy flow ^^ It was a really really tough fight, and the IJ players were super duper strong. But I'm glad we managed to stand firm amidst the pressure and put in nothing but our very best.
After the game everyone ran together for a team hug before leading the supporters to cheer Unite. Ohman I was screaming on the inside like "AHH RAFFLES NETBALL I'M FCKING PROUD OF YOU YOU GUYS KICKASS LIKE MILLIONS OF ASSES" hahaha I'm so so so so so so happy and proud of you guys today (': You showed me what resilience meant.
Went to Island Creamery after the game, something really scary happened there lolol but I shall not elaborate. But it reminded me of all the stupid mindless things that I did in sec 1 that led me to this stage lol quite funny but I was seriously freakishly scared. That person seriously looked like he was gonna crush me into a ball and beat me up. Thank god I had everyone else covering me HAHAH. Don't think I'll be able to sleep today. Too happy for Raffles Netball,
you guys complete me (: x
Monday, February 21, 2011
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Is there any question dumber than that? Of course I'm affected by what you said. Kns la you just spoilt my perfectly fine day. I don't know why I care so much about you.
-
A lot of things happened today. As usual? Haha I guess. People I thought I knew are no longer who I thought they were. I can't do anything about it because it's out of my reach. Actually I'm just too scared to do anything about it because I'm scared I'll lose them. Like losing someone you love, sucks right. But on second thoughts, not doing anything about it and letting them carry on like that is the same as losing them. Okay tell me what to do please? Please I'll buy you a meal
-
A lot of things happened today. As usual? Haha I guess. People I thought I knew are no longer who I thought they were. I can't do anything about it because it's out of my reach. Actually I'm just too scared to do anything about it because I'm scared I'll lose them. Like losing someone you love, sucks right. But on second thoughts, not doing anything about it and letting them carry on like that is the same as losing them. Okay tell me what to do please? Please I'll buy you a meal
Pyramid ♥
Stones, heavy like the love you've shown
Solid as the ground we've known
And I just wanna carry on
We took it from the bottom up
And even in a desert storm
Sturdy as a rock we hold
Wishing every moment froze
Now I just wanna let you know
Earthquakes can't shake us
Cyclones can't break us
Hurricanes can't take away our love
Pyramid, we built this on a solid rock
It feels just like it's heaven's touch
Together at the top (at the top baby), like a pyramid
And even when the wind is blowing
We'll never fall just keep on going
Forever we will stay, like a pyramid
Like a pyramid like a pyramid eh
Like a pyramid like a pyramid eh
Like a pyramid like a pyramid eh eh
Cold (cold), never ever when you're close
We will never let it fold
A story that was never told
Something like a mystery
And every step we took we've grown
Look how fast the time has flown
A journey to a place unknown
We're going down in history
Earthquakes can't shake us
Cyclones can't break us
Hurricanes can't take away our love
Pyramid, we built this on a solid rock
Solid as the ground we've known
And I just wanna carry on
We took it from the bottom up
And even in a desert storm
Sturdy as a rock we hold
Wishing every moment froze
Now I just wanna let you know
Earthquakes can't shake us
Cyclones can't break us
Hurricanes can't take away our love
Pyramid, we built this on a solid rock
It feels just like it's heaven's touch
Together at the top (at the top baby), like a pyramid
And even when the wind is blowing
We'll never fall just keep on going
Forever we will stay, like a pyramid
Like a pyramid like a pyramid eh
Like a pyramid like a pyramid eh
Like a pyramid like a pyramid eh eh
Cold (cold), never ever when you're close
We will never let it fold
A story that was never told
Something like a mystery
And every step we took we've grown
Look how fast the time has flown
A journey to a place unknown
We're going down in history
Earthquakes can't shake us
Cyclones can't break us
Hurricanes can't take away our love
Pyramid, we built this on a solid rock
-
Talked to my friend who's in australia through whatsapp. Feels like he's still in Singapore! :) Cool stuff love my bb
Saturday, February 19, 2011
I miss you. I know, it's so freaking long ago but you're still there. No, you just appear everywhere and eat up my thoughts. I hate how it happens but I hate the idea that I have to forget you too. Argh )': It's like drilling a hole there. kns hurts
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
I'm sick again I think ahhhh. I ate like half a box of cake today. Friend's friends' birthday cakes, Jiao's super duper nice tiramisu cake omg now they're swimming around in my stomach making me feel like puking.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Oh wow, bummer.
That came as a huge shock, really. I'm not even angry. No, I didn't feel anger.
It was just pure disappointment. I really thought that no matter what or when, I could trust you the most amongst them. I think for most people, they start off not trusting people, and slowly people gain trust from them. It's like on a scale of 0-10, they give others 0 at first. Then it slowly goes up higher and higher. You know what I mean? Yea, but for me it's the opposite. If I know a person for the first time, I'll always trust him/her a lot. Like it starts with a 10. Sadly most of the time, the level of trust just keeps going down and sometimes I really don't know what to do.
Am I judging/believing others too much? Should I really have put my faith in you instead of others? Or are you really the one lying the whole time? Freak someone tell me what to do I'm fucking confused. Everything came to me so suddenly that I don't even know what's true and what's not.
And to all the people spreading dumbass fake rumours/trying to ruin friendships/ sticking your noses into other peoples' business: get a life, please. PLEASE. ):
[edit] okay. double triple quadruple shock. I can't take this anymore seriously are you for real!???!!!! Kns don't do this to me please ): Don't do this to your friends, please. I'm not sure how I'm gonna face you tomorrow or the day after and the following days; how I'm gonna laugh with you and joke with you and hear you tell me stuff like you mean them. I just know that if you lose someone's trust for you, it's really hard to gain it back. Dammit. [/edit]
over the edge and breathless;
Monday, February 14, 2011
turn right
Dear you,
I think you just rekindled something in me again. I don't know what though. Oh well.
Yours,
Me.
-
so raise your glass if you're wrong
in all the right ways
Sunday, February 13, 2011
need you now
I'm happy we cleared the misunderstanding, it made me see the bigger picture and realise that I wasn't the only one hurt. But yea, next time I'll think deeper first :)
-
Oh God today was a-m-a-z-i-n-g I saw a group of my best friends in lower primary, before I went to nyps!!! Hhahah it's been like, 6 years? But most of them look exactly the same :) It's like revisiting my childhood, when I was still a lil innocent kiddo.
It was a few short hours but there was so much laughter and fun!! Kinda miss btps. Was talking to Dean (omg like srsly one of my bffs when I was in p1-3) the other day about how much things would be different if the few of us haven't transferred. Thank god Wan Li invited me to her birthday party if not I think I'd never get to see them ever!!! ♥ We were playing bayblade in Mos Burger cos Bryan's 6yearold brother brought them haha it was quite embarrassing cos it was damn noisy but so freaking fun lol I can't believe i'm 16 and I find it fun. Ahh feels good being young ^^
Okay I guess words can't really describe how I feel. It's really like travelling back in time to see the same people, except all this time all grown up and funny and tall :)
Oh yea, made some new friends recently. Think I've said before that I got lazy making new friends because old ones will always be the bestest best anyway. But I think it's pretty obvious which friends are gonna stick, even after just knowing them for a while. Whoooo I love my friends max like seriously :)
Can't wait for tomorrow something's gonna happennn (not Valentine la.) but yes it'll be awesome fun :)
-
You can count on me like one, two, three
I'll be there and I know when I need it
I can count on you like four, three, two
And you'll be there 'cause that's what friends
Are supposed to do
I'll be there and I know when I need it
I can count on you like four, three, two
And you'll be there 'cause that's what friends
Are supposed to do
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Oh yea and I've got more to say:
Fight hard Raffles, we'll come back stronger than ever.
Enough said :')
I love you guys so much, y'all are the ones who give me strength and push me further on whenever I just feel like giving up on everything. Whether it's during training or school or just my life in general, you guys are always the group of people who never fail to back me up and help me out. I can't even imagine what life would be like if I hadn't joined Raffles Netball, or hadn't met/made friends with each and everyone one of you. ♥ Really really really really wanna see you guys happy because when one person's sad everyone will be sad together ): I know sometimes things may get tougher than we expected, but we must pull ourselves together and keep pushing through. When the going gets tough, the tough gets going! Must make ourselves and Ms Chng proud :) Today's laoyusheng thing was sticky but I was so happy ahhahha I really hope whatever blessings Mrs J gave will come true!!!
Dawne & I were talking today: whether we win or lose (touchwood we'll win kk) in 2 weeks time, God's making use of this to bring us closer and tighter. In a way it'd be a win-win situation cos even if we lose, it'll give the future RN batches motivation to fight much much much harder in the following years and take down the other schools and rise as a giant again! :) (well but of course winning would be very much preferred lolol)
But whatever it is, whether we win or lose, it's God's plan for us to become better and closer!! Can't wait for that day to come. xxx
There's something 'bout love
Today's awesome. Did quite a bit of homework, trained a little, finally got to drink coffee (not starbucks... but will do! I miss caffeine lololololol) and the weather's amazing :) And talked to amazing people about amazing things. Excited for tomorrow toooooo! :D Will blog about it hehehe. Classmate whom I lost contact with for more than... 6 years? Suddenly invited me to her birthday party. Omg! I miss my friends hahahaha even though I can't remember some of their names cos I was too young I still remember their faces and random memories. Wish I could go back to the days when I was youngerrr and give everyone in kindergarten a hug because I probably won't have the chance to see them/recognise them again.
Random anon person on Formspring [edit] LOL IT'S ZARA ahh so sweet [/edit] made my day woohoo. I think even if I get many haters, all the nice sweet people & friends will make up for it ten times over :) I really should stop thinking about how to make everyone accept me but instead spend more of that time caring more about my family and friends. And of course grow closer to God. KKKz that shall be my ultimate goal for this year!
Didn't get to go to megalife today, dad said it's too far and too late )': Oh well......... I guess I'll just find out what happened from Juey or something. Was really excited for the cell man sigh sigh sigh.
OH AND I'M FINALLY GETTING MY BLACKBERRY NEXT WEEK. Excited max!!!
Yesterday I was Blair today I'm Patrick yayyyayyyayy
--
Don't fight, don't hide those stars in your eyes
Let em' shine tonight
Friday, February 11, 2011
The dark days at the back of my mind
This is me today!I couldn't ask for a better day than today.
Juxtaposed with what happened yesterday, today was just undoubtedly amazing. I haven't been so happy and contented in a while! Made me forget about all the horrible stuffs that happened yesterday (I blogged about it, but didn't post it. It's in my drafts hahah I'm too cowardly to show it to the world)
Today itself started off super good. Played a little netball with b'div at the courts before going for Chem CES. Walked past 207 on my way there, and 2 girls came out of the classroom and shouted "Hi Elaine!!" I don't know why but I was so overwhelmed and touched and I started smiling like some retard. It doesn't even matter if they just happened to walk out of the classroom and saw me, or they saw me when I walked past and specially walked all the way out to say hi. But I was touched anyhow. It's so satisfying to know that even though I've only spent a few short months and a few short PSL sessions with these QTs, they still remember me :') So wonderful to know that I'm still part of their lives and memory, and that they still regard me as their PSL :) Makes me remember how wonderful it was to be a PSL. I miss my sec 1s (yea they've grown up but they'll always be my first and last class of sec 1s) so much they're so cute!! Hahaha. Now I can truly appreciate the meaning of how a small action goes a long way ♥
I realised everytime I think I'm about to lose everything I hold dear to my heart, God helps me know how blessed I truly am. I have the most amazing friends who're always there for me no matter what I'm going through; people whom I can count on to not judge me no matter who I am. I know, sometimes I take them for granted, and I feel so awful for that. I always seem to be so obsessed with pleasing everyone, and blinded by what I shouldn't desire. But it's only because of these beautiful things and people in my life that I'm constantly reminded of the reason why I'm alive and breathing. Thank you Lord, for giving me more than I deserve. I may not appreciate whatever I have all the time, but I'll try :)
H2h talk with Juey today was fulfilling. I learnt so much from her :) Being contented is really the easiest way to be happy, yet ironically it's also the hardest thing to do. Yeayea I must stop letting the devil's voices get in my head :) Amen!! :D
It rained like mad on my way home today. My hands were literally freezing while I was walking home from the bus stop, but my heart was so warm. Whoo I can't emphasize on how happy I am today seriously :D
-----
I've decided, it's time to accept the truth. You don't care about us anymore. Perhaps you never did -- I was just reading too much into it. But that's alright, because you still, and will take up a place in my heart.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
OMG THIS IS THE CUTEST THING EVER!!
When I read the first part, I thought it was like some bad thing. But it's so so so cute (:
Shine a light on her
My grandfather had a stroke and they were testing him to see where he had been affected.
My grandmother hid behind the doctor and asked, "Can you see on this side? Tell me, where am I?" He said, "You're in my heart."
Awww I just melted (':
Burn it all
You looked so sad right then. I really wanted to do something for you, but I really didn't know what to do. I couldn't think of anything to say that'd make it any better for you, so I didn't say anything. I wish I had, y'know, done just anything that could've lessened the pain for you but I guess I'd be already crossing boundaries.
I'll just pray that whatever happened will go away, and that you'll forget :)
&, know that I'll always be here for you because you mean so much :)
Stay happy please babe ♥
I'll just pray that whatever happened will go away, and that you'll forget :)
&, know that I'll always be here for you because you mean so much :)
Stay happy please babe ♥
Monday, February 7, 2011
SELF-REMINDER SELF-REMINDER:
Love is really powerful.
And I guess it's really the people who are hard to love that needs to be loved. And god wants to express his love for people through us. So I have to love others!!!
Must remember that I'm imperfect too. And like yeah haha I'm as bad as them. Or maybe even worse! Sigh but its ok god will change me slowly. :)
And I guess it's really the people who are hard to love that needs to be loved. And god wants to express his love for people through us. So I have to love others!!!
Must remember that I'm imperfect too. And like yeah haha I'm as bad as them. Or maybe even worse! Sigh but its ok god will change me slowly. :)
K I hope I don't get killed for quoting this. But yea, it's really hard to love someone who dislikes you/vice versa. But I'll try my best, because it's the best option. Or perhaps, the only option? I don't know. But whatever it is forgetting is the best! Ignorance is bliss. Just know that God loves me, I love God, and everything else will fall into place.
Anywayz I really hope that whatever I did that triggered that person's dislike for me would be resolved? I mean, it sucks knowing that someone hates you. But I guess right now I'll just try to forget about it first, because it really, really is hard to love all your enemies. Sigh life's a bitch!
Sunday, February 6, 2011
I need to stop sulking about life and get on with it. Hahahaha
First step will be figuring out how to do linear law assignment.
Btw gambled for the first time in my life yesterday. WON 35 BUCKS AHAHAHAHAHA AMZING OR WHAT. CNY is awesome (: Except my mom doesn't let me keep (or even COUNT) my angpao money. But that's okay cos they're alllll gonna go into my bankie and when I'm old I can take them allllll out ^^ whoo.
School tomorrow! It feels like I had a 2-week break so I'm not sure how I'm gonna adapt to school again HAHAHHAHA whoa looking back, I really slept a lot these 2 weeks. Probably more thatn 50% of the week. hmm.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
CNY is seriously awesome. Other than the over-eating worries and whatnot. I'm so happy!!:D:D Money keeps flowing in whoohooo. I have the next few days to look forward to! :D
Can't wait for asthma to be gone again so that I can start training!!
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